It’s difficult to describe depression to anyone who has never experienced it. Depression comes in different forms for everyone and just like the human experience we feel it differently. For me, the sadness can become so intense it feels as though I’m drowning in an ocean of despair. I can feel the waves crashing down over me and pushing me deeper and deeper into a void. Thankfully, I have an understanding partner who does everything in her power to help me in any way she can. It is because of her that we got a cat who turned into my lifesaver.
About six months ago my partner asked me if I wanted a cat. I love animals and I have cats back home, but my partner has never had a pet so I wasn’t sure if it would be good for her. She insisted that it would be all right and that she wanted to have a pet with me. Since this was going to be her first pet I wanted her to choose our cat. I knew that I would love whatever cat she chose, but I wanted her to experience choosing her first pet.
She found an app that let you search for pets to adopt. We would look together and she would check at work, but she didn’t see any cats that called to her. I had told her that she should only choose the cat that called out to her. After several weeks she sent me a picture of a kitten and said that she found our cat. We decided to name her Bean.
We didn’t waste any time and I went to the veterinary clinic the next day. When I saw our kitten I was surprised to see that she was so small. Someone had found her around some apartments and while people had been feeding her she would only get the occasional leftovers, so she was very small and underfed. Surprisingly, she was relatively healthy for a street cat. After her check-up at the vet I brought her home.
The moment she stepped out of her carrier she was very curious and she checked every corner of our apartment. I didn’t know if she would be ok with me holding her but she willingly sat in my lap and seemed to enjoy it. I cleaned her as much as I could, which she actually let me, and she fell asleep on my lap.
That night, as my partner and I were getting ready for bed I wanted Bean to see us so she wouldn’t feel alone. She soon fell asleep looking at me. The exhaustion had set in and she slept peacefully through the night.
The following night, Bean saw us getting into bed and she kept looking at us. My partner said that she probably wanted to sleep with us, but because she was so small I was worried about rolling over her during the night. However, Bean was not thinking that and she jumped onto the bed, after struggling for a bit. I took her off and placed her where she slept on the first night, but she wasn’t having it. She was determined to sleep with us, so after 30 minutes I had to give in. She hasn’t left our bed since.
Bean has added so much joy to my life. She follows me everywhere like a second shadow. Whenever I come home she runs to the door to greet me and welcome me home. I’m surprised at how much she likes being around people. She’s very sweet and even the staff at our vet loves her. Everyone that comes into contact with her is affected by how adorable and loveable she is.
Having this little being depend on me helps to bring my focus away from myself when I’m feeling depressed. While I still experience depression I don’t have time to think about it as much because Bean keeps me occupied and distracted. Our apartment isn’t very big so that means she gets into places that she shouldn’t sometimes. I chase her around trying to get a necklace or a sock back and sometimes my underwear. Bean loves to play, so this is all a game to her and even when I get mad I can’t stay mad at her long when she stares back at me with her innocent eyes. She knows that we love her and I know she loves us. And even though she depends on me for her physical needs I depend on her so much more. She gives me more emotionally than I can ever return to her. For that, I am truly grateful. Thank you, Bean. Everyday you save me from the darkness.